Memory is shot.

That pic was me my senior year of high school. Sexy beast, no?? On the Covino and Rich show, they wanted the listeners to change their Facebook and twitter pics and use your senior yearbook photo. Not sure exactly why because I'm about a month behind on the show, but I did it anyways. THEY SAY JUMP, I SAY HOW HIGH SIR!!!!! So since I didn't have a pic in mind for this blog, I used it here too.

Doing this blog has been a great outlet, not only to let everyone in on what has been going on, but something I can go back and look on to see how far I've come. The bad thing is, I'm writing this blog from memory. I should have taken better notes or at least write a blog as things have been happening. I was doing that for a little bit, but then stopped. The bad thing about writing from memory is that sometimes you get stuff wrong. Unless your awesome and have a stellar memory, which I do not. So when I said on my second to last blog that I only lost 12lbs in the first 3 weeks, I was wrong. I had to do some looking back for my first experience on what I ate for the first time after my 3 week check up and I found out I wrote I lost 27lbs since surgery on the 8th of November. Which could be right, but here's the thing, I don't remember what weight that number was from.

On your last appointment before surgery, which is two weeks before, they take your picture and write down the weight you are at. Well, just like any doctors office scale, it's always wrong, right? I mean, they add like 20lbs to the scale to make you think your fatter than you really are. That was always my assumption. :) I knew what I roughly weighed nekkid, I weighed myself in the morning before my appointment. By my scale, if I remember correctly, I weighed 388lbs. When I got to the doctors office, I weighed 396lbs. So I never really paid that much attention to their number because it was always higher than what my number was. Granted, I was wearing a size 4xl tshirt, size 52 pant, socks and underwear, but still, a almost 10lbs weight gain from my morning weigh in??!! C'mon!
So now I can't remember what the 27lbs was from. Either 396lbs or 388lbs OR was it from 377lbs, which is what I weighed the day I left the hospital after surgery!??!

I do know this, I weighed 431lbs on June 23rd 2012. As of this moment, well, as of yesterday at 5:23 am on February 1st, 2013 I weighed 287lbs. That's 144lbs lost in roughly 8 months. To me, it seems like a lot, but then I think that it's not that much. I say that because when I started being serious about losing weight in the beginning of July I was doing great, then in August, into september, I slacked off a bit an then got back on track in October. I took a few months off and on January 1st I've been going to the gym 4 to 5 days a week. So, in my mind set, I should have lost more weight than what I have. BUT, that's how I am with myself. I'm always hard on myself and I know that can be damaging. I often wonder if that's why I got so big. Being hard on myself mentally, making myself feel like shit all the time, that's probably why I always went towards food. Food was always there when I needed it. Food wasn't a stuck up bitch who would reject you if you were fat. Food loves you no matter how big you are. Food would always be there at 2am on a Saturday night, waiting for you to turn the light on. Ah, who the hell am i kidding, food would be there every night at 2am for that matter, food was never picky. I was food's bitch.

Not anymore! Fuck you food!! You're not the boss of me!! I have a wife and two little girls who are!!! Yeah, see!! Screw you food!

Wow, that took a weird turn that I wasn't expecting. So anyways, my point to all of this is that I need to write stuff down. Keep better logs of what is going on. Everyone should do that. Especially if your losing weight. Write down how much you weigh every week. Take pictures of yourself. Above all else, don't be so damn hard on yourself. There are a shit ton of people who can do that to you. Don't let yourself be that way. You know why? At the end of the night, you always have yourself. Everyone else can fuck off.